Monday, September 8, 2008

Thoughts and Experiences


Mea Shearim


B"H

Just recently, a chassidic woman told me the following:
"If you want to receive all the necessary information for your writings, you have to do two things: You have to improve your Yiddish and you have to go alone to all the chassidic places.
Don't take anyone with you".

The woman was totally right but nevertheless, last Shabbat I took some people with me and the decision turned out to be positive and negative at the same time. However, it was an experience.

The negative point was that when you take people, you always have to wait for them. The worst is when they start complaining and they want to go home or they suddenly don't feel well. This can ruin the whole plan. And last Shabbat morning, the people I was waiting for got up too late and then didn't get ready. Changing clothes here and putting on makeup there. As we finally arrived at the Neturei Karta Synagogue, we found ourselves in front of locked doors.
After a short walk through the Mea Shearim market, we decided to go to a different synagogue. But when we arrived, they had already finished their Kiddush and the women were about to walk home. Too late again and shame on us.

However, two of the three girls I took decided to pray in the synagogue. Another young woman and me were waiting. And while we were waiting, my friend suggested that we should walk to the Kiddush. Eventually we didn't, as we missed the whole service and didn't think that it was fair just running after some cake. Nevertheless, my friend went over to one of the chassidic girls and asked if we could have a cold drink. It was boiling hot outside and we actually had a dry throat.

The girl reacted in a strange way. Okay, my friend from New York wasn't really dressed in a typical Mea Shearim fashion but she asked in a polite way. The girl just turned her head aside, just as if my friend didn't exist. My friend got upset and made a remark. Not particularly nasty but the girl understood. My friend walked into the Kiddush room and came out with two plastic cups of cold Coke. Then we talked about the situation with the chassidic teenage girl.

It was a disgrace how this girl had reacted and I could understand my friend being offended. Even if someone is not necessarily chassidic, however, he is Jewish. My friend said that this is exactly the behaviour turning secular Jews away from Haredim and worse, from religion. And G - d definitely didn't intend this when He gave us the Torah.

I told her that I totally agree with her but, unfortunately, this is what those kids learn at school today. Even if you call it a certain form of being careful with strangers, young Chassidim should at least answer a question. Judaism means to care for another Jew and not to turn him down in public, as this girl had done. It doesn't matter if someone comes from Mea Shearim or Ben Yehudah Street, a Jew should treat his fellow with respect. It is our task to to Tikunim (soul rectifications) and this we do by dealing with other people. Even strangers and not only in our backyard.



Chassidic children in Mea Shearim


After the two others had come back from their prayer, we started walking towards the house of our host. There, we were early and had plenty of time getting to know some other guests; a few Israeli girls from a national religious seminary.

Our host was in a great mood and I always enjoy the atmosphere sitting in her large Mea Shearim backyard. The former synagogue incident was almost forgotten and we were concentrating ourselves on the coming meal. I was placed next to an elderly lady and I asked her about the Fakshivilim (news posters) on all the walls of the houses. She was a local and I hoped to receive some information about their importance or non - importance. The lady said that it is always hard to understand the real meaning of those Fakshivilim and to differ what is Lashon HaRah (idle talk) and what is the opposite. "Once, she said, pamphlets were handed out in my synagogue where people claimed that the Hechsher (kosher certificate) of the Chatam Sofer was not kosher. I informed all my friends and later on it was announced that the Hechsher didn't have any problems".

In the meantime, our host took her seat at the table and her grandchildren started serving the meal. The host always loves to talk about women's modesty and even before we started, she had pulled me into a corner and told me that some of the girls weren't dressed too modestly. She (the host) would never ever make a Beracha (blessing) without sox. I responded that I cannot fix everybody and that in the end, people think that I am nuts.

Some minutes later, I was so busy eating that I first didn't realize what was supposed to happen. I just saw one of the national religious girls with wild curly hair running into the kitchen. After less than a minute she came back together with our host. Our host handed her a Bencher (for blessing after the meal) and the girl started crying. She was about twenty years old and our host said out loud that if you go into a restaurant, one also needs to pay. And it is the same with G - d. He provides you with food and you say a blessing in order to thank Him. Someone said that the girl doesn't feel well and intended to go home immediately.

Let's say that the girl really didn't feel well, she could have at least said a Beracha or at least pretend to say it. Instead she refused to say anything. Our host got upset and the girl finally walked out. Then the host told us a story that she had been in this kind of situation before. Once, another girl refused to bench. The host had told her: "Well, then you have to pay me for the meal".
Girl: "But it is Shabbat".
Host: "Well, then bench".
Girl: "No, I am not religious".

This kind of conversation went back and forth until the girl left. Months later she came back and announced that she is now studying at the frum seminary "Neve Yerushalaim".

"So, therefore you never know", continued the host, what will later on happen to the person".

I just thought that the girl running out was just a great example for a Baalei Teshuva crisis and suddenly I could understand born Haredim not wanting to marry a Baal Teshuva. It might sound cruel but, sick or not, the girl just shouldn't have reacted the way she did. Instead of fighting around and thus wasting time, she should have quickly benched. What is the problem ?

Afterwards I went over to Rabbi Mordechai Machlis where I just came on time for a further discussion.
The Rabbi had been to the Kotel (Western Wall) in the morning and witnessed a scene where a Japanese tourist wrote a note for the Kotel right in front of the wall. On Shabbat when writing is forbidden for Jews. A Haredi guy came over and started yelling at the Japanese tourist.

Rabbi Machlis asked us what the right response should have been, as yelling is definitely not the right reaction.

One of the guests said that there are warning signs all over the Kotel plaza where is says that writing, taking photos, smoking, etc. is forbidden on Shabbat.

The Rabbi said that one should have gone over to the Japanese and told him in a friendly way that there is no writing in front of the Kotel today. What would now be his impression of Jews by being yelled at ?

I made a speech and mentioned three different points:
Yes, there are warning signs all over but many secular Jews as well as non - Jews don't respect the way of religious Jews. If you go to such a place you have to behave in a certain way. Especially on Shabbat. And when you go into the Vatican, they also make you follow their own rules. One should at least show some respect.
Haredim are always afraid that their children pick up some anti - religious behaviour. Who know ? If the frum kiddies see such a Gentile they might later go "off - the - derech". This may sound exaggerated but for many Haredim it is a very disturbing idea.
And how much Chesed can we have ? Let's say we allow the Japanese to finish writing his note, couldn't there be more tourists doing the same next Shabbat ?

It goes without saying that the tourists shouldn't have been yelled at. It does give him a false impression but, on the other hand, if I travel to a foreign country, I do get informed a bit about their customs and rules.



Guests in the Machlis Home

4 comments:

  1. Many a Jew has been brought closer to Yiddishkeit by a cold drink a piece of cake a bowl of cholent etc.
    The story of your host asking for payment comes from none other than Avrohom Avinu who did this to all who came to partake of his hospitality. as a hotel keeper it was acceptable to ask for payment for a meal, instead he asked his guests to thank Hashem.
    It is a shame that the educational systems harp so much on tznius-modesty and less on how we should treat our fellow Jew. The commandment of hospitality Hachnosas Orchim is so great that Avraham Avinu excused himself from talking with Hashem in order to fulfil this mitzvah. Giving one a cold drink on a hot day is the simplest form of hachnosas orchim. Avraham Avinu did not look at his guests manner of dress or if the women wore 60 denure stockings .
    As for teh Japanese tourist, one mst always do things in a way that do not cause a Chilul Hashem, a desecration of Hashem's name. Yelling is very rude and causes others to have a bad impression of Torah Observant Jews!

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  2. B"H

    Our host pointed out that Avraham used to do so.

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  3. What is a Baal Teshuva?

    The girl you described is not a Baal Teshuva. When you start to keep shabbos for a couple months and keep kosher you are not a baal teshuva. When you decide after sitting in on a shuir that you are going to be Shomer Negiah, you are not a Baal Teshuva. When you have a weekly parsha class you arent a Baal Teshuva. When you only wear white shirts and black paints and a hat you arent a baal teshuva.
    Peshita! Someone that wont bench after Bread to that degree of resistance you just described is a Rasha or just plain ignorant CV'S i would judge another Jew wrongly.

    A Baal Teshuva is a MASTER of returning to Hashem. How many people can truly say they have Mastered this? I dont think I am a Master in any sense. I am a Jew who tries everyday to become a better Jew and fulfill my purpose in being here. I would like to say I am a Baal Teshuva but I might be fooling myself and insulting people who are truly at that level.

    Everyone thinks they are a Baal Teshuva when they have been religious for 3 months 6 months even 6 weeks ive seen it. After all the darkness they have been consumed in, they are a fool to think that they can pull themselves out that quick.

    So if that is what is considered a Baal Teshuva in Israel, it is no wonder they cant marry into Haredi communities.

    For every year that these people were eating cheeseburgers, going to clubs on shabbos, being promiscuous and ill modest, how long do you think it would take to rectify all that and get to the level you were when you were a child. after 20 years of it, yes it will only take 6 months and then you better expect to have no yetzer hara, being speaking with Hashem like a prophet and be a Baal Teshuva.

    The Baal HaTanya calls a benoni who tries to become a tzaddik a Shoteh. The same goes for someone who begins their return to say they are a Baal anything.

    There should be a new term coined called.

    Beginning to Return instead.

    To end on a postive, may all of us who are returning, attain the level to be a master of that return.

    I think you might become a master by either having children who are frum and raising them frum and keeping them frum, or going to married kollel for 5-10 years. Or both.


    And to comment on the way Haredim treat outsiders even if they are Frum. Its 100% wrong and they will be judged in accordance to their deed.

    All Mitzvos are equal and they must have forgot the one called Ahavas Yisroel.

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  4. B"H

    "What is a Baal Teshuva ?"

    Good question and there are many definitions.

    I think that the most important change for a BT is to change his inner personality. More than start keeping Shabbat or wearing a black hat or a Kipa.

    First one has to undergo an inner change; looking at his deeds, analyzing them and decide for the better. And only when you are changing your inner self, you can start with all the Halachot.
    Being a BT doesn't mean only Halachot. I think the Rambam looks at it the same way.

    The girl I described was in a seminary for Baalot Teshuva downtown Jerusalem. Not a special direction but everything mixed: Breslov, national religious, Sephardic, Ashkenazic, anything.

    The danger of causing a Chilul HaShem by scaring people away is always very high. This is actually the worst, a religious person can do.

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